Let's talk about the soft, feminine nature of girls and explore why (and how) parents should respond in accordance with it. First, I need to acknowledge that girls not only possess a compassionate and gentle spirit, but they can also be catty, rebellious, and downright brutal to their peers. All of us as human beings, both males and females, are capable of exhibiting the best and the worst of characteristics. These polar opposites coexist within people of all ages, and no one is free from the dark side. It would be naive to claim otherwise. It is why we need a Savior, because "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23).
Nevertheless, the Creator has placed within the fair sex a winsome and caring nature that should be recognized and cultivated. Gratifying and protecting it during the formative years is like pouring cool water at the base of a delicate flower. "Grown-up girls" need careful nurturing too.
A popular love song written in the 1930s by "Irving King" and Harry M. Woods offers valuable counsel to men about dealing with women. It is called "Try a Little Tenderness" and was later recorded by Frank Sinatra and many other vocalists. The lyrics convey this romantic advice:
She may be weary, women do get weary
Wearing the same shabby dress
And when she's weary, try a little tenderness.
She may be waiting, just anticipating
Things she may never possess
While she's without them, try a little tenderness
These songwriters clearly knew a thing or two about women. But I wonder if he observed similar characteristics in little girls. I certainly have.
When my daughter was young, we took a long car trip and made many pit stops along the way. (You can be sure of that.) While I was pumping fuel at one of the gas stations, a little stray dog came wiggling over to our car and became our "friend." Danae instantly fell in love with this homeless mutt that was begging to go along with us. We had to leave him behind, of course, and I shooed him away so I could shut the door. The little fellow stood looking up at us forlornly, as though he were thinking, I know. You don't want me. And no one else does either. Then he followed our car as we drove away, running down the highway after us. It was a sad moment for all of us, but especially for Danae. She was crushed. She sobbed inconsolably and said, "Daddy, you have to go back. He doesn't have anyone to care for him. Turn around. You have to go get him. We can't just leave him back there alone. Who will feed him tonight? Please, Daddy. Go back." Her tears fell like rain.
I wish I could tell you that we returned to pick up the little dog and that he was our pet forevermore. That didn't happen. Though we are all dog lovers in our family, there are times when a mom and dad have to make the hard decisions. We just couldn't take an animal with us on our trip, staying in hotels and parking our car in the hot sun. Besides, we already had a much-loved dog that we had rescued from an animal shelter. For Danae, however, her sorrow overrode all counterarguments. She couldn't stop crying.
Our daughter never forgot that dog. She could tell you about him to this day. And she never completely forgave me for driving away from the lonely pup. In fact, I let her read this just-written story over dinner last night, and a cloud came across her face. She said, "You really should have gone back, Dad. You could have made it work." She is still half-ticked over my decision.
Those of you who don't like dogs will not understand the way Danae feels about things, but I do. She has a very tender spirit, and I wouldn't have her be any other way. It is why she has been "Daddy's girl" since she was born. It also explains why she regularly visits lonely elderly people who languish in nursing homes. She genuinely cares for them, which makes me very proud of her.
Book: Bringing Up Girls
By Dr. James Dobson