Question: My daughter is very much a "people pleaser." What should I do about it?
Answer: My goodness! What a delightful problem to have. I see no need to "do anything" about it. Your daughter obviously came equipped from birth with a compliant temperament. Usually, people pleasers reflect a sensitivity to and a need for approval from others. Throughout childhood, these kids will be called "sweet" by adults, who are drawn to their pleasant personalities. I remember a song from the movie Funny Girl, which features Barbra Streisand singing, "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world."11 I think the lyricist was rather accurate.
I would, however, offer two cautions. The first is that people who need people can be more easily hurt. Whereas the tough-minded youngster is ready to defend herself against insult or attack, the people pleaser is looking hopefully for affirmation. You as a parent should be aware of that vulnerability as you shepherd that child toward adulthood.
The second "downside" to the emotional apparatus of people pleasers is that they sometimes go through a period of mild rebellion during their late teens or early twenties. Whereas a strong-willed child frequently gets in the face of her parent, a compliant child's late stubbornness shows up in less aggressive ways. For example, eating disorders sometimes occur among mild-mannered "good little girls" who wouldn't have thought of challenging their authoritative fathers. Instead, they express their individuality in the food they consume or don't consume, and they can resist every effort by others to make them eat. Another common reaction of people pleasers is seen in a rejection of the family's faith. Typically, but not always, they come back to it.
For now, I would recommend that you accept the individual personality of your little girl just the way God made her, and enjoy every minute of her childhood.
11.Funny Girl, directed by William Wyler (Columbia Pictures Corporation, 1968). Lyrics by Bob Merrill.
Book: Bringing Up Girls
By Dr. James Dobson