Q&A – Sharing With a Spouse About Unwanted Advances

Question: In recent months, there have been two occasions when a woman at work has made a pass at me. I love my wife deeply, have no interest in this lady, and have communicated this to her in no uncertain terms. Do you think I should share these incidents with my wife?

Answer: Yes, I do. First, because I believe the healthiest marriages are those that are open and honest on such matters. Second, because sharing important information is a step toward accountability in a situation that could prove dangerous. And third, because your wife should be your best friend with whom you discuss troubling circumstances and how they will be handled.

My only caution is that you be careful not to reveal this disclosure in order to make your wife jealous or to use the incident to manipulate her. Some spouses seize an opportunity like this to play power games with a mate. Check out your motives carefully before you talk to your wife, and share the experience as objectively as possible. She will appreciate you for it.

Finally, I urge you to continue to reject the advances of the lady in your office, regardless of how attractive she is or how flattering her interest in you may be. To pursue her may give your ego a ride now, but only pain and sorrow lie down that road--for her and for you.

By Dr. James Dobson