Q&A – Sexless Late Nights

Question: My husband and I don't get in bed until nearly midnight every evening, and then I'm too tired to really get into lovemaking. Is there something unusual or wrong with me for being unable to respond when the opportunity presents itself?

Answer: There is nothing unusual about your situation. Physical exhaustion plays a significant part in many women's inability to respond sexually. Someone said, "By the time I put the cat out, tuck the kids in, and take the telephone receiver off--who cares?!" Good question. A mother who has struggled through an eighteen-hour day--especially if she has been chasing an ambitious toddler or two--may find that her internal pilot light has flickered and gone out. When she finally falls into bed, sex represents an obligation rather than a pleasure. It is the last item on her to-do list for that day. Meaningful sexual relations utilize great quantities of body energy and are seriously hampered when those resources have already been expended. Nevertheless, intercourse is usually scheduled as the final event in the evening.

If sex is important in a marriage, and we all know that it is, then some prime-time moments should be reserved for its expression. The day's working activities should end early in the evening, permitting a husband and wife to retire before exhausting themselves on endless chores and responsibilities. Remember this: Whatever is put at the end of your priority list will probably be done inadequately. For too many families, sex languishes in last place.

By Dr. James Dobson