Another helpful publication is a four- hundred-page book entitled Everyday Graces: A Child's Book of Good Manners, written by Karen Santorum.10 She is the wife of the former senator from Pennsylvania Rick Santorum and one of the most impressive women I have met. Karen has a law degree from the University of Pittsburgh School of Law and a bachelor of science degree in nursing from Duquesne University in Pittsburgh. Obviously, she could have had a successful career in either medicine or law, but after thoughtful prayer, she and her husband had a different plan. (By the way, it occurs to me that Karen Santorum would make a wonderful first lady for our country.)
Karen is the mother of eight children, one of whom is in heaven, and she homeschools the others. Her youngest was born in 2007, a precious baby girl with a chromosomal anomaly similar to Down syndrome. She is named Isabella, and they call her Bella. Senator and Mrs. Santorum were aware during her pregnancy that their baby might have this condition. They and their physicians were right. Bella will be mentally disabled for what is likely to be a short life. Sadly, over 90 percent of parents today abort babies who have this genetic condition.11 For the Santorums, however, abortion was never an option. They chose not to even request amniocentesis to confirm the diagnosis. The senator told me, "It wouldn't have made any difference, so why do it?" Bella was welcomed into their home with open arms from a very loving family. Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin made the same choice regarding her baby Trig.12
I interviewed Karen and Rick Santorum for our Focus on the Family radio broadcast before Bella was born. Let me share some excerpts from that conversation, edited for clarity:
JCD: You have chosen to be a full-time mother instead of pursuing a career as an attorney or a nurse. Why?
Karen: Oh, I just feel like my role as wife and mother is the most important thing I will ever do. I love raising my children, and I feel very blessed to be able to be at home with them. It's really wonderful.
JCD: Have you ever asked yourself whether you made the right decision to stay at home?
Karen: Yes, when Rick is leaving in a tuxedo for a banquet and I'm on the floor cleaning up milk, I ask myself, What's wrong with this picture? [laughter] But then I fast-forward to the end of my life and am standing before God. He will hold me accountable for loving Him, loving my husband, and loving my children.
JCD: Well, you have now written a book that reflects what you are doing at home. It's called Everyday Graces. It is different from other books on manners because it focuses primarily on classic literature. Explain that approach.
Karen: Rick and I believe that children learn best through role modeling and by hearing stories. That's why we have read thousands of stories to our kids. Good things happen when a child is sitting on your lap. It lends itself to emotional and physical bonding. He or she identifies with the characters in the stories too, and that allows you to explain the moral lesson being taught.
JCD: Most parents don't have time to read to their children, do they? But I remember fondly the stories my mother read to me when I was a kid. They have stayed with me throughout my adult life.
Karen: Oh, they are remembered. We all need to slow down a bit, turn off the TV and radio, except for your program [laughter], and read to our children.
JCD: Shirley used to take our son, Ryan, to the library, where they would check out an entire stack of books, maybe eight or ten of them. Ryan would have them all read by the next day. Shirley wanted him to get out and play too, so she had to ration the number of books he would bring home. That is a pleasant problem to have.
Karen: Children love good stories such as Anne of Green Gables. I've included it and the entire Tolkien series in my book, as well as C. S. Lewis's Narnia series. Now we're reading Brian Jacques's Redwall. One of our favorite things is to light a fire and then pray and read together.
Sen. Santorum: Karen becomes the storyteller during those family times, interpreting the readings for our children.
JCD: Explain how you teach good manners through stories.
Karen: We do it through such books as Aesop's Fables and similar literature.
JCD: Why don't you give us a taste of something you have read to your kids.
Karen: Okay. Here's a sweet poem called "Mr. Nobody," by an unknown author. Children, of course, never want to admit doing anything wrong, so they say, "I didn't do it." Here's a poem about that situation:
Mr. Nobody
I know a funny little man,
As quiet as a mouse,
Who does the mischief that is done
In everybody's house!
There's no one ever sees his face,
And yet we all agree
That every plate we break was cracked
By Mr. Nobody.
'Tis he who always tears our books,
Who leaves the door ajar,
He pulls the buttons from our shirts,
And scatters pins afar;
That squeaking door will always squeak
For, prithee, don't you see,
We leave the oiling to be done
By Mr. Nobody.
He puts damp wood upon the fire,
That kettles cannot boil;
His are the feet that bring in mud,
And all the carpets soil.
The papers always are mislaid,
Who had them last but he?
There's no one tosses them about
But Mr. Nobody.
The finger marks upon the door
By none of us are made;
We never leave the blinds unclosed,
To let the curtains fade.
The ink we never spill, the boots
That lying 'round you see
Are not our boots; they all belong
To Mr. Nobody.
JCD: And the kids obviously loved it, I'm sure. I notice that you have written a little commentary after each story or poem.
Karen: I have. Would you like me to share an example?
JCD: Please do.
Karen [reading]: Just as your parents do so much for you every day, you can respond by
doing loving things for your parents. One of the best ways to express your love for them is through your actions. Even the smallest thoughtful act, like picking flowers for your mother, will demonstrate your love. Remember that Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Good manners are made up of small sacrifices."
JCD: Karen, didn't you say that before you wrote Everyday Graces, you had been looking in bookstores and libraries for good stories and literature, but there were few options? That's why you decided to write your own book.
Karen: That's right. I began writing for my own children. I thought it would be so much fun to have a publication in the tradition of Bill Bennett's The Book of Virtues. Instead of giving the kids a list of rules and dos and don'ts, I wanted to teach them through stories. It is so very important for parents to introduce values to their children, and I know of no better way of doing it.
Sen. Santorum: America today is a me-centered culture. It is about doing whatever a person wants to do, regardless of how it affects other people. Manners convey just the opposite. They show respect for others, especially looking out for their interests, whether it's opening the door or waiting in line or just saying a kind word. These social graces reflect an entirely different worldview. But unless parents are consciously working to instill those values and behaviors in their children, the culture will stamp its own perspectives on them. What Karen has done here is to give parents a tool to help them use storytelling to accomplish that purpose.
JCD: Thank you, Karen, for writing this book, Everyday Graces. And thank you, Senator, for being my guest. I appreciate the way you both are modeling good family life and parenting techniques for all of us, and for the way you have chosen to live your lives.13
11.Caroline Mansfield, Suellen Hopfer, and Theresa M. Marteau, "Termination Rates after Prenatal Diagnosis of Down Syndrome, Spina Bifida, Anencephaly, and Turner and Klinefelter Syndromes: A Systematic Literature Review," Prenatal Diagnosis 19, no. 9 (1999): 808–812; see http://www3. interscience.wiley.com/cgi-bin/abstract/65500197/ABSTRACT. This is similar to 90 percent results found by David W. Britt, Samantha T. Risinger, Virginia Miller, Mary K. Mans, Eric L. Krivchenia, and Mark I. Evans, "Determinants of Parental Decisions after the Prenatal Diagnosis of Down Syndrome: Bringing in Context." American Journal of Medical Genetics 93, no. 5 (1999): 410– 416.
12.
"Meet Pro-Life Governor Sarah Palin," National Right to Life News, September 1, 2008. 13. "Building Moral Character in Kids," Focus on the Family daily radio program (November 7,
2005).
Book: Bringing Up Girls
By Dr. James Dobson