Despite the importance of an early mother-child bond, it may seem strange that little boys begin to pull away from their moms during the period between fifteen and thirty-six months. Boys, even more than girls, become negative at that time and resist any efforts to corral or manage them. They say no to everything, even to things they like. They run when called and scream bloody murder at bedtime. They usually respond better to fathers—but not very much. Believe it or not, this is a moment of opportunity for Mom. She must take charge during these delightful but challenging days of toddlerhood. It is not sufficient to leave the discipline solely to Dad. Respect for her authority and leadership are rooted in this period, and opportunities that are lost will be difficult to recover later on. Just remember that boys desperately need to be supervised. They also need to be "civilized," quite literally. In the absence of firm but loving leadership, they tend to follow their own selfish and destructive inclinations, which can be harmful to a boy and to other members of the family.
What are the other implications for mothers during this period of disconnection and differentiation? For one thing, they should not allow themselves to feel rejected and wounded by their boys' gravitation toward fathers. Just remember that the behavior isn't personal. Boys are genetically programmed to respond that way. I remember feeling somewhat embarrassed by my mother's hugs and kisses when I was three years old. I told her one day that I thought it was "silly." Her wise response was, "I do too." I wanted and needed her love, but I was already aware of a strange tug toward my dad. Although most kids won't be able to articulate that urge, what is happening is a healthy process from which manhood will flower in time. Mothers should encourage their husbands to be there for their sons when the need is the greatest. Show them this section of my book, even if they won't read the rest of it. Men tend to be extremely busy during the early years of parenthood, and their minds are on other things. A gentle nudge will get their attention better than inundating them with bucket loads of guilt and criticism.
Book: Bringing Up Boys
By Dr. James Dobson