Question: What should I do with my twenty-two-year-old son, who has moved back home after dropping out of school and making a mess out of his life? He doesn't have a job, won't carry his share of the load at home, and complains about the food he is given.
Answer: I would help him pack—this afternoon if not earlier. Some young people like yours have no intention of growing up, and why should they? The nest is just too comfortable at home. Food is prepared, clothes are laundered, bills are paid. There's just no incentive to face the cold, hard world of reality, and they are determined not to budge. They need a firm push. I know it is difficult to dislodge homebound sons. They're like furry little kittens that hang around the back door waiting for a saucer of warm milk. But to let them stay year after year, especially if they're not pursuing career goals, is to cultivate irresponsibility and dependency. And that's not love, even though it may very well feel like it.
The time has come for you to hand the reins over to your son, gently but forthrightly, and force him to stand on his own. If you don't do that, you will effectively paralyze him by taking away all incentive to get his life in order. Good luck!
Book: Bringing Up BoysBy Dr. James Dobson